Sorceress and Demon
by Nyx Auralis
Summary: "You were the one he promised to return to above all! And now you've abandoned him!" In which the nature of Ashley's dynamic with Lord Blazer is explored and Lilka is the romantic interest; Marina is there, but her being there is with a condition that he can no longer fulfill. Also touches Lord Blazer as a character, not just a mindless entity that resides in Ashley. R&R, please.


~Goddess and Demon~

Lilka watched him lead their group, noticing how his shoulders hunched slightly at intervals. She saw how he was slowly paling, how the beads of sweat rolled from his hairline down into the folds of his cloak. Quietly worried as she saw him look around, eyes flicking between things there and things not. But she had watched those things for days.

What really concerned her, at that current moment, was the memory of the fight with a group of Horn Monsters and Voidra from earlier that day.

The monsters ambushed the party as they explored the Grotto of Lourdes. Brad managed to protect Tim from the brunt of the attack from the Horn Monsters, but the rest had to scramble to dodge while avoid getting pelted by the numerous Voidra. She had worked with Kanon to lower their numbers while Ashely focused on keeping the other Horn Monster distracted from them; Brad kept the other away from Tim while the Baskar child kept healing the party. They held their own. But then the Voidra managed to knock Tim unconscious just as the Horn Monster gored Brad to the ground. Kanon managed to get a Revive Fruit to him, but he was in no condition to fight, and then the Horn Monster knocked her unconscious, too. Within minutes, only Ashely was left standing and Lilka took a deep breath, opening her magical umbrella while she dropped defensive magic over her weakened comrades. It was at that moment she heard the low growl that slipped from Ashley's throat as she felt malicious energy well up from her blue-haired comrade. The transformation was typically instant, but for a moment she thought she saw him wince in pain, seeming to struggle before it overwhelmed him. His blue hair turned black, just as his battered cloak maroon from countless amounts of shed blood. What held her were her his eyes: nameless terror coupled with an unwavering determination as the lust for blood eventually gained a foothold. Then his eyes were hidden behind the crimson visor as the rest of his body was eclipsed by the cruel ebony armor decorated with crimson highlights and gold filigree. What took them minutes took the Black Knight mere seconds. The monsters didn't know what hit them as the Black Knight sliced through them, and extra care was taken to decimate the Horn Monster that incapacitated Brad. Only when all of the monsters were fading into ash and foul, bubbling liquid did he stop. The Black Knight form faded away, revealing Ashley standing in the midst of the carnage covered in blood and grime. He stood there, staring into the distance in a daze. Then his shoulders slumped as he dropped to his knees, breathing heavily. Lilka cast Mystic, holding tight to a Big Berry, before she went over to makes sure he was all right. Tim was casting more healing magic to cover what wounds hadn't been healed completely and making sure Brad didn't hide a fatal wound. Ashley didn't seem to notice her approach, something that was increasingly common.

That was when she saw it.

"You all right, Lilka?" Ashley asked as he stood back up and looked at her. Lilka held her breath when she saw his eyes. He raised his head in her direction, but she could tell he couldn't see her. So she waited, until she saw the light in his eyes return. _It's taking longer and longer for him to change back_ , she thought, sighing softly. Lilka knelt down, reaching to take his hand slowly, watching what was looking back at her through his eyes watch her. He made no move when she made contact. "Yeah! You really took a beating, though. I'm going to cast Hi-Heal, okay?" Lilka told him, not waiting for a response. Ashely nodded weakly, eyes closing when her spell activated. By the time it finished, he was focused on her face, seeming to have been studying it. Lilka started when he moved suddenly, relaxing as he stood up. He smiled at her for a moment before walking towards the rest of the group. "Let's take a break here for now," Ashley announced to the group. "Are you sure we don't want to relocate somewhere safer?" Kanon asked. "…what if we get into another fight on the way?" Tim asked softly, shrinking under his cloak. "There was a room just before this one; we could rest there. Whatever we decide, we need to rest. We've been going at a pretty hard pace," Brad suggested, speaking up for the first time that day. He hadn't said much, but Brad wasn't one to speak a lot unless necessary. "Does everyone agree with Brad's idea?" Ashley asked, looking around at nodding faces. "Let's get moving, then."

Which brought her to the current moment.

Now, she was watching Tim as he chatted with Kanon about the guardians. The bionic huntress was fascinated by them. Though, at the moment, Kanon was just humoring him, not really listening. Brad was taking inventory of the items acquired from the day while Ashley cleaned his bayonet. The two made small talk, but overall it was quiet except for Tim's chatter. Lilka sat quietly, staring off into space when she wasn't watching Ashley. After a while, even Tim's chatter faded as the boy went to sleep. Kanon announced she'd take watch for a while, glancing at Ashley for a moment before she did. Ashley made himself comfortable on a wall before closing his eyes.

"You're worried," Brad said quietly. It wasn't a question. Lilka pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them. He sat beside her, watching the group rest for a moment. It would be a few hours before they moved. Lilka looked at her friends before resting her gaze on Ashley once more.

"I'm glad we get a chance to rest," Lilka murmured. "It's getting worse."

"What's getting worse?"

"His transformations," Lilka answered. Part of her didn't want to say anything, but she knew she needed to talk to someone about it. Brad was the oldest and most mature in the group. He also knew how to keep his mouth shut, a by-product of his being a former war hero. And if she was to be honest, he'd probably noticed it well before she did. Brad sat quietly for a moment.

"I wondered if anyone else had noticed," Brad said quietly. Lilka nodded.

"It's hard not to," Lilka muttered, pulling her knees tighter. "At first it would just happen. He didn't look so tired….not like now. It's like he's fighting each time he does it."

"I don't know much about demons," Brad began, "but he is fighting. Constantly. Marivel was right to warn against using the Black Knight's power often."

"…there's a little bit about demons I heard in class, once," Lilka said. "And I'm worried it's happening to him."

"We're all worried," Brad agreed. "He's been like this before. Once we're back at the Chateau it'll be fine after he gets to visit Marina."

"Yeah," Lilka muttered. Brad said nothing, just watched as his normally bright teammate darkened. He smiled to himself.

"You love him," he said softly. Lilka's face turned bright as she hid behind her knees. "There's nothing wrong with that."

"It is when you've got no chance," Lilka muttered. She looked up, sighing softly. "But it's hard. He doesn't look happier when he gets back. And this last time…"

They sat in silence for a while.

"Lilka, tell him," Brad told her, meeting her gaze. "Maybe he'll say no. Maybe he'll say yes. But you'll look back on this, and regret your silence." He watched their leader rest, sighing softly. "Maybe that will help…"

Kanon walked over to Ashley, shaking his shoulder gently. He muttered his assent, getting to his feet groggily. Lilka watched him before hiding her face behind her knees once more. Brad got up and walked over towards Ashley. The blue-haired man handed Brad his cloak; Brad took it and placed it over Tim, who was quietly shivering. The Grotto was cold, as was to be expected from being abandoned for so long. Lilka closed her eyes, letting sleep take her. "No point in worrying right now," she thought to herself as she fell asleep.

Brad walked back over to Ashley, standing beside him and falling into his old watch position back from the war. Ashley glanced at him, but said nothing. It wasn't the first time the veteran had taken watch alongside him.

"Couldn't sleep?" Ashley asked softly. If he spoke too loud, he'd wake Tim—the boy slept lightly on the best of nights—and they didn't need to attract monsters. "No, I couldn't," Brad replied with a faint smile. They stood together in silence for a while. "How are you holding up?" Brad asked. "It's been hard these past missions…but it's been like that for everyone," Ashely answered, shaking his head slightly. "It has. It doesn't make it any less of you to say so," Brad pointed out. "You're right," Ashley admitted, frowning, before continuing on, "I just don't get it. Marina has been upset but everything I say upsets her! Then she'll act as though everything is all right!"

"She's never had to deal with you being gone for so long, Ashley. And then we almost lost you," Brad told him. A part of him wondered if this was what it was like to be a father. "Though it sounds like she's not handled it well."

"I was a musketeer before this," Ashley growled, leaning against his bayonet and staring forward. "It's as though she hates that I'm following my dream. Being away from the one you love is hard, I get that, but I can't sit around knowing I could be doing something to help make the world a little bit better."

"Ashley," Brad said softly, sighing heavily. "Love changes. People change. As one runs forward chasing their dream another cringes in fear at the shadows cast by that. Not everyone has that sort of strength, Ashley. Not to chase their dreams."

"I don't have the strength to keep going back to fight with her," Ashley muttered, straightening up. "How is everyone holding up?"

"Tim is holding up; he's getting exhausted," Brad reported. "Kanon is quiet, but…this is her life purpose we're discussing. I'm fine outside of recent wounds. Lilka…she could use a break."

"…she's doesn't smile as much as she used to," Ashley said pensively. "Hopefully, we'll be able to get leave after this….we can't keep this up."

"And you're holding up poorly," Brad told him, watching as Ashley's face became tellingly still. "Out of everyone, you're the most affected by all of this. Kanon's watching you, waiting. Tim is concerned. Lilka is worried about you. Their leader is falling apart in front of them."

"That bad, eh?" Ashley said with a weak chuckle.

"Have you been having those nightmares again?" Brad asked. There had been several nights after Ashley had first awakened to his ability. Each time, Brad heard a hoarse, pained cry and quiet crying. It was a mutual agreement between the both of them to not speak of it unless necessary. Ashley didn't reply. "Or has it become something worse?"

"What do you mean by that?" Ashley asked, face still. Brad looked forward, watching memories play across his mind before answering.

"Some of the soldiers I fought with went insane. It started small at first—muttering, angry, nightmares—but it wasn't long before they became dangerous, even for us," Brad explained quietly. He looked forward, watching the shadows play across the walls. "Talk to someone. Let someone know. It will help."

"I will," Ashley answered after a while. He sighed, leaning against his bayonet.

"I've got watch from here. Got to sleep, Ash," Brad told him, focusing on the shadows. Ashley looked at him for a moment, and went back to his space on the wall. His eyes closed immediately. Brad kept watch for a while longer, going as long as he could before waking Lilka. She got up quietly, rubbing her eyes as she grabbed her umbrella and walked to the fire side.

She sat there for a while, keeping an eye out and keeping the fire lit. Lilka shivered—the Grotto of Lourdes was a cold place.

"…I guess it's because of all the old memories," Lilka muttered to herself. "They're all dead. No happiness or anything. It could be worse, like when we went to destroy the Alchemic Plant…"

Lilka sat quietly for a little while longer, mulling over her life when she heard a faint sound. She looked around, worry starting to build.

"There couldn't be an invisible monster…could there?" she thought to herself, steeling herself for combat. The more she thought about it, the more she came to the conclusion it just might be—they'd run into an assortment of strange and terrifying beasts along the way. Lilka jumped back, away from the sudden touch on her shoulder, with a spell humming in the air.

"Sorry."

"Ashley?" Lilka asked incredulously, letting the spell fizz out. He nodded with a small smile tugging at his lips. "You scared me!"

"I did apologize," Ashley replied, walking up to her. "Don't get so loud."

"Why are you awake? You need to get your rest," Lilka said, looking away. Ashley watched her a moment before focusing on rearranging his cloak and picking at imaginary dust on his bayonet.

"I couldn't sleep," he said calmly, walking a little farther from the camp. "So I thought I'd join you on watch. Why are you so scared?"

"I heard something….sounded like a monster. There aren't any invisible monsters, are there?" Lilka asked.

"I don't think so," Ashley answered hesitantly. "We've traveled a lot, but I don't know. There's a lot we haven't discovered."

"I really hope there aren't any," Lilka muttered, sitting back into her watch position. Ashley chuckled, standing beside her. They sat in silence for a while. Lilka sighed.

"Is everything okay?" Ashley asked after her third sigh. Lilka pulled her knees to her chest.

"No," Lilka admitted after a moment. "Is there any way I can help?" Ashley continued. "You haven't smiled like you used to in a while."

"…neither have you," Lilka retorted, glaring at the shadows. Ashley didn't reply. "These silences are awkward."

"They are," Ashley agreed. "Do you want to talk, then?"

"About what?" Lilka asked, looking up at him. "We can talk about anything, but there are things you won't talk about."

"Well, if we agree to not do that…" Ashley suggested, letting the thought trail off. "Used to do it with the musketeers. After a bit of alcohol, some of the cadets were even saying some of their darkest secrets."

"How are you going to make sure I actually answer?" Lilka asked defiantly. Ashley looked at her, and smiled.

"Because I trust you."

"…you ask first," Lilka mumbled, looking away from him. Ashley resumed watching the shadows.

"Hmm," he pondered aloud. "What's your favorite color?"

"Red," Lilka answered. "What's yours?"

"Blue, I guess," Ashley replied after a moment. "Your turn."

"Favorite food?"

"Good bread," Ashley answered with a grin. "I actually miss making it."

"You can make bread?" Lilka asked in surprise. Ashley glanced over at her, grinning slightly. "Will you make jelly rolls?"

"Sure, Lilka," Ashley agreed, trying not to laugh. Lilka smiled, blushing slightly.

"What's so funny?" Lilka asked. Ashley paused, taking a deep breath.

"You really like jelly rolls, don't you?" he asked her, grinning when she looked away as her face turned red. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm just glad to see you smile."

"Me too," Lilka mumbled, scuffing her feet. "You looked pretty upset after you got back. Haven't seen you smile since." She sat quietly, feeling her heart sink when he didn't reply. After a few moments of silence, she looked over at him. She gasped in shock; Ashley was holding his chest, hunched over slightly, with pain clearly written on his face and raggedly breathing. "Ashley? What's wrong?"

"S-stay over there," Ashley ground out, shaking his head. Lilka stepped forward anyway, but froze when she felt the same malevolent energy of the Black Knight radiating from him. He trembled, but didn't move from where he stood. After a few tense moments, he relaxed, sinking to the ground in what looked like exhaustion. His eyes were closed.

"You're losing control, aren't you?" Lilka asked, surprised at how strange her voice sounded to her own ears. He didn't answer. "H-how long?"

"…a few weeks now," Ashley murmured, opening his eyes. Lilka gasped, seeing the red lurking in the depths of his grey eyes. "Arguing with Marina didn't help."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I didn't want you guys to worry," he answered, closing his eyes again. "Kanon's already promised to kill me if I lose myself completely. I don't want you guys scared of me…more than you already are, anyway."

"I'm not scared," Lilka told him. She froze when he looked at her.

"I can feel it, Lilka," Ashley told her softly. "Especially right now."

"So maybe I am," she countered. "But you're still Ashley, our leader, my friend. There's got to be something I can do!"

"…you being here helps," Ashley admitted as a smile ghosted across his lips. "Reminds me why I'm fighting." He made an amused sound in his throat when she sat beside him. "You sure you don't want some space?"

"…don't say that," Lilka said softly. She looked at him, tears visible in her eyes. "Don't. Please. You can't give up. I don't want to lose you, too."

He didn't say anything. They sat like that for a while. At some point, Lilka fell asleep. Ashley kept his breathing even, wrestling with the demon as his thoughts trailed back to that last argument with Marina.

"Don't come back, eh?" he muttered to no one in particular, groaning as he felt the demon fight for a stronger grip against Argetlam's hold. "You wouldn't know what to do if I didn't…"

In that moment, he felt something snap. Ashley clutched his chest as it burned, gasping for air. He could feel himself starting to change, but he couldn't stop it. Just before it took hold, Lilka leaned heavily on his shoulder.

"Don't leave, Sis," Lilka whimpered, grabbing hold of his arm. He froze, trying to see if she was awake through the haze. "Don't leave me, too."

"I won't leave you," Ashley rasped slowly, placing his hand on hers. "I'm right here." Lilka settled back into peaceful slumber, keeping her grip on him. Ashley relished in it, the want to keep her from being hurt giving him strength to cancel the transformation. He sighed heavily, feeling the exhaustion deep in his soul.

 **You have won for now. But for how much longer?**

"Long enough," Ashley said simply, feeling his eyes close against his will. He heard footsteps, and tried to see who it was before his eyes closed. "Who's there...?"

"Rest, Ashley."

Tim watched as Ashley succumbed to slumber. He could feel the demon growing inside of his big brother figure, but he also could feel Ashley's growing strength. The guardians warned him that it would not be long before he would have to kill his brother before he wasn't anymore, but Tim believed in his brother. He also believed in the power sleeping in all of them. They were the first in ages to be able to use guardians; Tim refused to lose hope. The group awoke a few hours later, and continued on through the grotto. They watched and learned as Kanon gained the information on Lord Blazer. A chill fell over the party as Kanon announced that Lord Blazer was hidden within Ashley's body, and that chill deepened when he admitted that he felt something within snap in the Heidmal Gazzo explosion. The silence that followed was tense. As they left, the communicator beeped. Lilka felt her heart go still when she heard Ashley say that Marina had been captured. The group was quiet when they reached the Chateau, and they didn't waste time heading for the Strategic Planning Room. The briefing was short, but there wasn't much else to be said aside from the now common warning to Ashley to calm down. Caina had kidnapped Marina and taken her to the Lost Garden. It was obviously a trap, but they weren't about to leave Marina there. They immediately departed to rescue her. Lilka held back as they left, trying to put words to her emotions. It didn't take them long to find the dungeon, but it wasn't meant to be hard to find. Lilka kept her thoughts to herself, focusing on the issue at hand, snapping out of her thoughts when she heard Brad fussing at Ashley.

"Control yourself! Panic will only jeopardize the mission, especially with you," he told him, holding Ashley's gaze. Ashley looked at him, starting to speak but biting his tongue.

"Unsettled emotions can't help but eventually explode," Kanon added. Ashley groaned, taking a deep breath.

"Hey, don't always keep all that in by yourself," Lilka told him gently, giving him a small smile.

"Let's hurry, but keep your cool. We want to save Marina as much as you," Tim announced. Ashley smiled a bit, sighing and squaring his shoulders.

"Sorry, guys," he admitted. "Let's go."

Lilka said nothing about the red lurking in his eyes.

As they went farther in, they realized Caina's magic key, Randolph, was keeping the doors shut. Someone had to be left at key points to conduct Mental Jamming so they could continue. One by one, each member of the team got left at different point until it was just Lilka and Ashley. She stopped after they solved a puzzle. If the pattern held, she was about to be left as well. She couldn't let him go on his own without saying anything. Not like this.

"Ashley," she began, surprised when he spun about to look at her. The red in his eyes was more obvious now. It was probably why he wouldn't look at any of them directly. Except for her. "You…"

"What?" he asked, looking at her. His brow was furrowed as he seemed to puzzle something out.

"I just wanted to say something," Lilka answered hesitantly, refusing to take a step back at his gaze. He waited, but the agitation was obvious in how he kept glancing towards the door. "I love you."

"You…what?" Ashley repeated. He turned to face her completely. Lilka looked at the ground, hating the tears that started falling.

"This isn't the time for it, I know," she continued, shoulders shaking, "but I had to say it before I lost the chance. I know you love Marina. I want you to be okay. I want you to be happy. So go rescue your girlfriend. Just don't lose yourself, okay? Please…don't let yourself get taken over!"

There was nothing said, no sound but Lilka's hushed sobs as she tried to stop her tears. She was startled to feel Ashley's arms around her, holding her against him as he buried his face in her hair, breathing in slowly.

"Thank you, Lilka," he murmured, holding her tight. "I'm so sorry I didn't realize sooner. But thank you. You're always bright and happy and keeping my spirits up. I don't think I'd have lasted this long without you. I won't get taken over. After I save her, we'll talk."

"Don't worry, she's your girlfriend," Lilka replied. She looked up at him, marveling at his eyes. Even with the demonic red lurking in them, they were striking to behold.

"She means a lot to me, but…" Ashley admitted slowly, shrugging slightly. "Right now, I need to save her."

"Go," Lilka told him, pulling away and opening the door. She stood on the jamming platform. "Save her. Don't forget your promise."

"I'll come back." Ashley nodded, taking a long look at Lilka before running ahead. She sat down, focusing on jamming the key's magic. Up ahead, Ashley ran into the room with the last puzzle. He growled at the note, resisting the urge to destroy the tablet and instead focusing on getting through the puzzle as fast as he could. Once through, he took off, reaching another room and looking around. "Where are you, Caina? I'm here! How about returning Marina?" he yelled, beginning to lose his temper.

Caina appeared, holding Marina. He smiled, the madness bright in his eyes.

"Ashley!" Marina cried out.

"Marina, hang on! I'm going to save you!" he told her.

"To think that our troubles and the people caught in them are treated the same," Caina muttered, watching the two of them. He pushed Marina to the ground in between he and Ashley. "To me, no, to Filgaia, Sir Vinsfield was a very important figure. I can't imagine discussing a future that doesn't include him. But it was you that made that a reality!"

"Yes, I destroyed Vinsfield! If you want your revenge, I'll fight you!" Ashley shouted back. He glared, watching for any sudden movements. Caina was a mage, and a mage hell-bent on vengeance at that. To say he didn't trust him was a considerable understatement.

"Revenge?" Cain asked, laughing. "You've got it all wrong. What I want isn't anything like that."

"What?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at the smile on the key wielder's face.

"What I want is for you to experience the same thing I did. Do you understand?" Caina explained as Ashley went silent. He began to emit a golden light. "In other words…I want you to experience losing something important, just as I did."

"Marina," Ashley whispered as he realized what Caina was trying to do. He jumped in the way of the spell being cast her way. "No! Caina!" Instead of the Black Knight, he was engulfed in spiked golden armor. He could feel Lord Blazer's power threatening to overwhelm him, a figurative and literal gnawing at his existence. The pain was excruciating.

"An incandescent flash is a 2-step shift from a thermal overload," Caina explained, readying his key. "That's right, Ashley. It's the power of that creature."

"This…is…the power that saves what's important," Ashley ground out. His thoughts were cloudy, but he clung to saving Marina and keeping his promise.

"Wrong, Ashley Winchester. That is the ominous power that steals important things," Caina replied as he summoned Randolph. The battle, while fierce, was also swift. Ashley over-powered Caina; the man's magic no match for his demonic power.

"Now you can experience the pain of losing someone important," Caina cackled as his magic was spent. "My wish has finally come true," he laughed, "I took from you what's important to you. I took it away with my own hands. I took it from you! Yet, this hollow sensation inside…what could it be? Please, tell me, Sir Vinsfield."

"Good," Ashley growled as he watched as Caina disappeared, returning to normal. He turned to face Marina, his relief turning into horror as he saw—and felt—her fear. "Marina, are you all right?"

Marina turned away from him.

"Marina?" Ashley asked as his teammates entered the room. She backed away.

"Don't come any closer!" she yelled. Ashley stayed where he was, ignoring the roaring he could hear in his ears.

"What's wrong?" he asked her, withholding tears. Lilka looked on in horror, seeing the gold- _what happened to the red?_ \- in his grey eyes deepen as tears welled up.

"Who are you? Who?" Marina asked him, finally looking at him.

"Marina, I'm—"

"I don't know you! Don't assume Ashley's shape. Don't speak with the same voice. Don't speak so tenderly. Please! Return Ashley to me," she yelled, crying.

Lilka couldn't say anything. None of them could. The ride back was silent. Ashley brought her to the medical facility in the chateau. Lilka waited outside; she didn't want to see him so torn up. She stared at the wall by Tim's head, meeting Tim's gaze when they felt his demonic energy spike up. Inside, Ashley was on his knees.

"I'm sorry, Marina. I wish I'd spoken to you sooner, when I had the chance. But I couldn't say it because I was scared…I'm sorry, Marina," he pleaded.

"Please see what you can do for Marina," Irving asked the nurses. He didn't say anything to Ashley. He couldn't bring himself to.

"Marina!" Ashley yelled, desperate. She looked at him then, saying nothing. The fear and disregard he saw there cut deep.

"I can't reach you anymore, can I? I guess…. I guess you won't forgive me after all," Ashley said softly. She looked away. "Marina, I-I… This is it, then." He got up slowly and left the room. His teammates watched him leave, words of comfort falling on deaf ears as he went to his room. Lilka said nothing, instead, looking into the infirmary where Marina stared at the wall. Kanon and Tim got up.

"Well, for now…we rest up," Kanon told them. "I know I need repairs."

"Will Ashley be okay?" Tim asked, looking to his older teammates. Lilka kept her gaze on Marina.

"I hope so," Brad answered. "He needs time right now. We all do. We've been running around pretty hard. This might be the last chance we get."

"Okay. I'm going to get some food. Lilka, do you want to come?" Tim asked her. She shook her head in response.

"I'll go later," Lilka told him. Kanon and Tim left, vanishing on the elevator. Brad waited, eyeing Lilka as he remained in his seat. He watched as she got up, resting his head against the wall and closing his eyes. Lilka stormed into the infirmary, standing in front of the bed that Marina was sitting on. The nurses glanced at her, but left her alone. Marina looked at her, wary and tired. For a moment, Lilka felt sorry for her. But then she remembered the dark circles under Ashley's eyes, the way his shoulders slumped with exhaustion from the constant battle he fought. Then the memory of seeing tears welling up in red-grey eyes sprung up before her eyes, unbidden, and in that moment, she knew the emotion she felt.

Lilka was angry.

"Do you know how much you hurt him?" Lilka asked Marina, glaring. Marina just looked at her. "He risked everything to save you! And now you won't even look at him? What sort of thanks is that?"

"Thanks?" Marina echoed. Her expression was one of incredulity as she gave a weak laugh. "I didn't ask to be saved, especially not by a monster. If that thing," here, she paused, "was really Ashley, he would have told me."

"He didn't tell you because he was scared of the way you're acting now!" Lilka exclaimed. It was her turn to be incredulous. "And it doesn't matter if you 'asked' to be saved; you're important to him. Of course he's going to save you! You're the reason he's been fighting so hard!"

"No, he's fighting because he wants to be a hero," Marina said bitterly, looking away from Lilka. Lilka growled, surprising both Marina and Brad, who was still in the hallway.

"A 'hero' wouldn't waste his time coming back to girl he loves but is quick to abandon him when he needs you most," Lilka said sharply. "A 'hero' would not drop everything just to rescue you when there's a whole world that needs to be saved. A 'hero' doesn't spend endless hours worrying about if he's doing the right thing. A 'hero' doesn't worry about the people he puts in danger by being what he is. I know you're scared! We were, too! But that doesn't change who he is! And it doesn't change how much you, the person that has been his reason to continue through all of this, has hurt him! Why can't you see what you've done?"

"Don't speak like you know him," Marina said coldly, holding Lilka's gaze. "You don't know anything about him. You don't know anything about me. You don't know what you're talking about."

"I know this is the man I've fought with and followed for almost a year now," Lilka retorted. "All of us have put our lives in his hands. He's the one we look to when we need the next course of action. There's no time for hiding things when you're fighting to live to see the next moment. We all saw how much it hurt him coming back after you argued. We all carried sorrow in our hearts when we thought he was dead. You were the first one he went to the moment he got back, did you forget that? You were the one he promised to return to above all! And now you've abandoned him!"

There was silence. Marina looked at her quiet anger and Lilka held her gaze. Lilka turned around, taking a breath to stem the tears before she walked out. Brad watched her, and decided against saying anything as she went to the elevator. He waited till after she left before he got and stretched, sighing heavily.

"Who does she think she is?" Marina said darkly, just noticing Brad's presence. "She's your teammate. Why didn't you stop her?"

"Wasn't my place to," Brad said simply. Marina glared at him. "You know why she's angry with you."

With that, he vanished into the Chateau. It would be a while, but things would work themselves out. Marina sat in silence, staring at the floor with tears. Meanwhile, Ashley meandered the Chateau. He eventually came to a stop, in front of his room. How long Ashley stood there, debating whether or not he would go in, he didn't know.

 **Of course you don't know. Just like you don't know how to deal with her.**

Ashley walked into his room, shutting the door behind him, and dropped onto the bed face first.

 **Keep trying to ignore me. You know I do not lie.**

"Shut up," he growled into the pillow he'd landed on, burying his face in it. Ashley could feel the sting of tears in his eyes, but he couldn't bring himself to cry. It wasn't like he hadn't expected a similar response from her.

 **Yet your heart still burns with delicious anguish. You can deny it all you want. "I" am "you" just as "you" are "I." It tore at you, not telling her. There was such anger in your heart, hatred even, that she would be dragged into the affairs of you trying to save this doomed world.**

"Of course there was," Ashley muttered, sitting up and staring at the wall. "She's someone I care about. I would have said I love her before this."

 **Oh, but you do. You just love the little sorceress more. Don't be so surprised. You radiate such powerful emotions about it. They're wonderfully filling.**

"…go to hell," Ashley said weakly, his head leaning against the wall in a similar fashion to Brad as he waited out the headache that had snuck up on him.

 **If you would but let me out, I could.**

"And then you'd bring us with you. No."

 **Temper, temper. You heard them. The more negative your emotions, the more powerful I get. You are weakening, human.**

"I'll never give into you."

 **Are you so sure?**

At that moment, Ashley was suddenly wracked with pain so intense he couldn't scream as the transformation began. He tried to keep breathing, clutching his chest as the space where his heart would be burned, but it only intensified the sensation of fire. He saw his hand darken into a claw as a gold gauntlet started to materialize over it. How long he sat there, he didn't know. Then, as suddenly as it began, it stopped. Ashley panted, trying to catch his breath as he realized he was covered in sweat. He went over to the water basin on the stand, dousing himself with and wiping the sweat from his face. Ashley inwardly cringed that he couldn't bring himself to look at his reflection.

 **You know you will see what you've become. What you fear. It is only a matter of time.**

Ashley looked into the mirror. His eyes were gaunt, to be expected after that excruciating moment. He could see the wrinkles in his clothes where he'd held his heart. His heart felt dimmer than ever. But what stood out to him were the colors of his eyes: dim grey eyes with gold now lurking in their depths. It was more than obvious that it was there, as much as he despised it.

 **For a prison, you are also an apt vessel. The longer I am within you, the more you will change to reflect this.**

"What?" Ashley whispered as a cold feeling settled into his gut. He could have sworn he heard laughter.

 **Did the Noble not tell you? Your body has to adjust to my existence. Such a powerful demon as myself is not something easily withheld.**

"…then that would mean—" Ashley began, jumping when he heard a knock on the door.

"Ashley, are you in here? It's me, Lilka. Can we talk?"

 **You try so hard to keep me back, not realizing the enemy that stands among your ranks.**

"Sure," Ashley said as he went to open the door. He ignored the demon, though he couldn't discount that it sounded like it was…pitying him.

"You look terrible," Lilka told him, looking him over. "What happened?"

"I, uh, had a moment," Ashley said as he fumbled for an answer under Lilka's earnest gaze. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Well, you said we'd talk after we finished the rescue," Lilka admitted, shuffling in place. "I could leave you alone if you need a moment? I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"…not really," Ashley answered, smiling wryly at her sad expression. "I did just break up with her."

"Wait, you—what? But you just went through all of that to save her!" Lilka exclaimed, confused. "How could you break up with her after all of this?"

"For someone who loves me, you sure are fighting for her and I to be together," Ashley pointed out, smirking at Lilka's reddening cheeks. He sighed, sitting on the bed. "What more could I do? I didn't want to be a hero for everyone; I wanted to be a hero for her. But I got criticized at every turn. I have thrown myself into this mess everything has become because I wanted to be able to come back home to her, and the world a bit more peaceful after this. But I can't keep looking for a space that's only there when it's easiest for her. She wants me to be there, and then she locks me out. You heard me—I couldn't tell her because I was scared. Then to be so quickly shut out? The one bit of comfort, my home, doesn't even want me there. The one place I can breathe, in spite of carrying this demon…. What more could I do? How the hell do you expect me to fight that, much less win?"

"I'm sorry," Lilka said softly. Ashley blinked, looking at her through the haze of unshed tears. "You've fought so hard all by yourself. You don't have to shoulder it all alone, but we haven't…I haven't let you know I was here to help."

"You have," Ashley replied gently. "Your cheer, your smiles…. those have helped so much. It's so easy to be dismayed and disillusioned. Everyone sees a hero when they see me, someone trying to save everyone else. You guys, you especially, just see me as your friend and leader. That's it. We fight together to make sure we have somewhere to come back to, that place we call home. I am so sorry I didn't realize your feelings towards me; looking back, it makes sense now."

"Why would you have? You were happy with her then," Lilka countered, looking at him. "I don't want to be what drives you both apart."

"Lilka, you weren't," Ashley told her firmly, wincing as he sighed. "I'm just tired of it. Tired of the flip-flopping, tired of the arguments, tired of trying to give her a reason to give me a chance. I know I wasn't the best, either, but this—there's so much else going on right now. Whoa, hey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Lilka murmured, leaning against the door. "I was just really angry earlier, so I've been walking around for a while. I haven't eaten."

"You, angry?" Ashley commented, raising an eyebrow. Lilka nodded. "Here, sit down. I know I've got something you could munch on for right now. How much energy does spellcasting take, I wonder?"

"You have to channel the magic in yourself and use it to shape the magic that Filgaia naturally has in order to enact your 'reality,'" Lilka explained as she sat down while Ashley rummaged in his travelling bag. "It's similar to how you channel Lord Blazer's power when you turn into Knightblazer. I guess it's Gold Knightblazer now?"

"Wow," Ashley said. He handed her several jelly roll, sitting down on the bed while she got comfortable in the chair. She devoured them, sighing in contentment as she finished. "It sounds complicated."

"Well, I'm still learning," Lilka admitted. "I'm going to go back to Sielje Region after this is over with. There's a lot for me to learn if I want to live up to my sister and beat Terry."

"She sounds powerful," Ashley murmured, leaning back on the bed. For now, he didn't have to fight for control, and his body intended to take the chance to rest. "Why were you angry earlier?"

"…because she hurt you," Lilka said quietly. "You were so scared of losing her, and then she just acts like you're not even who you are? She abandoned you when you needed her most. I couldn't just sit there. I lost my sister, and couldn't do anything about it. You almost lost her."

"You didn't have to do that," Ashley said after a while, sitting up to look at her.

"It didn't feel right not to," Lilka told him, looking away. Ashley couldn't help the soft smile that appeared on his face as a fierce surge of love warmed his chest. Just as it did, however, he gasped, clutching his chest.

 **Powerful emotions are wonderful.**

Lilka gasped when she looked back at him, eyes wide when she felt the demonic magic activating. She got up to go to him, freezing when he looked at her.

"D-don't," Ashley gasped. His eyes were fiery gold instead of their usual warm grey. "I don't know if I…I can hold it back this time."

She continued anyway, ignoring his pleas and instead holding his face in her hands, looking at him. He tried to look away, but she wouldn't let him. Eventually, he met her gaze, shocked to see the smile on her face.

"I know you can," Lilka told him, holding his gaze. "Just look at me, okay? Focus on something else."

"…how do you have so much faith?" Ashley asked slowly, trembling in her hands. He was taken aback by her sincere belief in him in spite of the fear he could feel radiating from her. "I know you're scared."

"You're you," Lilka answered, smiling. "Sure, you're using that power, but…. Ashley is Ashley."

"Lilka," Ashley mumbled weakly, closing his eyes. It was a struggle to hear her through Lord Blazer's raging in his ears. Her hands were cool, a blessing against the feverish heat burning him. He placed his hands on hers, opening his eyes when he heard her gasp in surprise. His hands were deep black claws partially enclosed by infamous gold armor. "No…no, no, no!"

"Calm down," Lilka said firmly, putting her forehead to his and holding his gaze. "Come on, you've gotta stay with me."

"How are you so calm?" Ashley growled. He winced at how he sounded, but Lilka looked unfazed. Her fear, however, was that much stronger.

"Because if I'm not you won't be able to be," Lilka explained. "I don't want to lose you. I'm scared, but I'm more scared of what will happen if I stay scared. So I'm going to be right here until you're okay again."

Ashley was at a loss for words, the pain forgotten for a moment. And then gasped as he felt his chest constrict in agony. His body tilted forward, locked up in pain. Lilka caught him, kneeling on the ground as he laid in her lap, partially curled up and grinding increasingly sharp teeth as he held his ground. Neither of them knew how long he lay there. At one point, he rolled onto his back, looking up into her concerned eyes.

"You look…surprised," he ground out, gasping for breath. Lilka's cheeks reddened.

"Your eyes are a beautiful gold color, like the sun," she admitted, threading her fingers with his claws. She winced when he crushed her fingers, realizing then how much pain he had to be in. He released her hand when he saw the wince, but she grabbed his claws and held them anyway. "You don't have to fight alone anymore."

 **I tire of this fight. For now, victory is yours. Cherish this while you have it.**

Ashley blinked in surprise as he felt Lord Blazer settle down. He raised his claws up, looking at them in surprise as they returned to human hands. He sighed in relief, grinning up at Lilka's confused expression.

"Did something happen?" she asked. He nodded.

"I'm okay," Ashley told her, smiling weakly. "That was terrible."

"I'm glad you're okay," Lilka said softly, starting to cry. Ashley reached up, wiping her tears. She continued to cry as he sat up, surprised when he pulled her into an embrace.

"Thank you."

 **Do not let your sorcerer be taken away easily.**

"What..?" Ashley murmured, confused. There was no response. Lilka continued to cry into his chest, and he held her there. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror, nothing that his eyes now retained a slight gold hue to them when the light hit them just so and a sort of sharpness to his being. It was obvious to anyone who knew what to look for now.

But, for the moment, he had a cherished person in his arms. Everything else could wait till tomorrow. Right now….

Right now he was just a man who battled his demons with friends who fought with him. And right now, he'd just won the most important fight.


End file.
